Trusting In The LORD: The Bloggings Of Miss Holly Boston

New Blog!!

2008-07-11T09:39:00.001-06:00

Hello everyone! We have a new blog to better suit our growing family! Check us out at:

http://andersons4christ.blogspot.com/

Praise & Prayer Update!

2008-04-04T17:27:00.002-06:00

Hello Dearest Friends! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Luke and I would like to thank you for praying for us these past few weeks! God has really answered, and we would like you to Praise God with us right now! Here is what God has done since our last email:

1) Increased our monthly recurring support to 80% by the end of March
2) Taught us a lot about prayer, faith, and praise

Psalm 106 tells us to praise God because He is good. This is something Luke and I have been focusing on. Not just praising God when things SEEM good, but praising Him because He IS good. Despite our circumstances, this is a universal truth: God deserves praise, and Luke and I hope you will join us in praising Him no matter what happens in life!

So now, Luke and I only have a small amount to raise to be done! We need an additional 15% in recurring monthly giving to reach 100% of our goal. Only then will we be released into full-time ministry with The Rock. Here's the catch, we must do this by the start of June! No worries, God did it before, and He can do it again! Would you, please, take a moment right now to pray with us for the following miracles:

1) We'll reach 100% of our recurring gift goal by June (explained below)
2) We'll have successful support raising trips to Chicago and Iowa City (explained below)

Thank you, dear brothers and sisters, for faithfully praying with us! Please let us know if there is anything we can be praying for you!

Please show this post to as many people as you can! If you or they want more explanation about who we are and our specific needs concerning the above requests, read below. Otherwise, we are praying that the Lord blesses you!

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WHO WE ARE:
Luke Anderson & I (Holly Boston) will be married on May 10th. We are both local missionaries who've "grown up" in The Rock (at least spiritually) for years. Now, we have embarked on a mission to raise financial support from others through Great Commission Ministries to work full-time with The Rock. Our goal is to serve our church, the campus, and above all else, our Lord Jesus.

WHAT IS "SUPPORT RAISING":
Our support raising is done through a non-profit organization called Great Commission Ministries (GCM). They've given us an account that we are responsible for, and for the past year, we've been meeting with people we know, asking them to support our work at Iowa State through The Rock.

Because The Rock serves and ministers to college students, we don't feel it right to force them to pay for their church (Friday nights) or for those who serve them (us). That is why we rely on the financial gifting of others.

We have a "recurring gift goal" that must be raised to 100% (it is about the amount of a starting teacher's salary) before we can officially start our work with The Rock and ISU students. A recurring gift is a financial gift given on a regular basis (like $15 per month).

PRAYER NEEDS IN DETAIL:

1) Tim Borseth would like Luke and I to oversee The Rock this summer while he and Paul Johnson are out of town. If we are not done support raising by June, however, we will not be able to do this. We need 15% more recurring monthly support to make this happen. There is no one else available full-time to coordinate and maintain The Rock. This means that someone with a full-time job will need to take this burden on themselves. That is a heavy burden to bear alone.

2) Luke and I will be heading to a training conference in Ann Arbor, MI on the 10th of April. Although we made it to 80%, we were still asked to come to the conference. To make this trip as productive as possible, we will stop in Chicago on the way back (April 13-16) and then Iowa City after that (April 16-19). Our goal is to visit current supporters, have support appointments, and encourage the saints. Please pray with us that we will find places to stay, have safe travels, and communicate our needs in love!

FERVENT Prayer Needed

2008-03-13T16:14:00.003-06:00

As many of you know, Luke Anderson & I are raising support to work with The Rock full-time. Our journey has been long and hard, and it has just become increasingly desperate.

Matthew 21:22 says: “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” We want to believe God for two specific miracles, but need your help! Please, fervently pray with us RIGHT NOW for the following:

1) That we reach 80% of our recurring support goal by the end of March (explained below)
2) That we are done support raising by the end of May (also explained below)

As we said, it will take a miracle for these things to happen. We know that our God is for us, and that He owns cattle on a thousand hills, but it feels like the enemy is trying to crush us! We are clinging to God, and desperately want to trust Him. Help us by praying!

Thank you, dear brothers and sisters, for faithfully praying with us! Please let us know if there is anything we can be prayer for you about!

If you want more explanation about who we are and our specific needs concerning the above requests, read below. Otherwise, we are praying that the Lord blesses your Spring Break!

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WHO WE ARE:
Luke Anderson & I will be married on May 10th. We are both local missionaries who’ve “grown up” in The Rock (at least spiritually) for years. Now, we have embarked on a mission to raise financial support from others through Great Commission Ministries to work full-time with The Rock . Our goal is to serve you, our church and campus, and above all else, our Lord Jesus.

WHAT IS “SUPPORT RAISING”:
Support raising is done through a non-profit organization called Great Commission Ministries (GCM). They’ve given us an account that we are responsible for, and for the past year, we’ve been meeting with people we know, asking them to support our work at Iowa State through The Rock.

Because The Rock serves and ministers to college students, we don’t feel it right to force them to pay for their church (Friday nights) or for those who serve them (us). That is why we rely on the financial giftings of others.

We have a “recurring gift goal” that must be raised to 100% (it is about the amount of a starting teacher’s salary) before we can officially start our work with The Rock and ISU students. A recurring gift is a financial gift given on a regular basis (like $15 per month).

PRAYER NEEDS IN DETAIL:

1) Luke and I need to be at 80% of our recurring gift goal by the end of this month, or we’ll be required to attend the April “Follow-Up Conference.” We need 9% more recurring monthly support to make this happen. That seems like a large amount. If we don’t raise this soon, we’ll be required to spend a lot of time and money to drive to Michigan just a few short weeks before we get married. We’ve been to two of these conferences already, and are asking God to spare us this expense!

2) Tim Borseth approached us a week ago and said he needs us to oversee The Rock this summer while he and Paul Johnson are out of town. If we are not done support raising by June, however, we will not be able to do this. We need 29% more recurring monthly support to make this happen. There is no one else available full-time to coordinate and maintain The Rock. This means that someone with a full-time job will need to take this burden on themselves. That is a heavy burden to bear alone.

An Engaging Story

2007-12-13T23:59:00.000-06:00

As many of you know, Luke Anderson and I have been courting for 8 weeks as of last Tuesday. We decided we needed to have a REAL date night on that day, one where we were actually alone for dinner and not interrupted by a ton of people (so far, this hasn’t happened yet!) Luke took it upon himself to plan the special dinner for us! I was just excited at the prospect of having my man plan a romantic night! Yay for wonderful boyfriends, right?

So we decided to go to a movie first, and then head to this special dinner afterwards. We ended up having a few car issues that delayed us from making the movie we wanted to see, so we decided to take a drive down memory lane, looking at all the places Luke lived growing up in Ames. After this, we went to Target to look at Christmas gifts for various people. We had a fun time joking about the various “good” gift ideas, which weren’t really good at all.

After laughing for a long time, we decided to head to dinner. On the way out the door, we stopped to use the restroom (I promise this has significance to the story!) I went into the first stall. When I tried to leave the stall, however, the door was stuck! It was one of those locks that turn the bolt, but the knob to turn it was stuck! The space under the door was too small to crawl under without putting my face on the floor (I was NOT considering that as an option at this point!)

All I could do was stand there, pulling on the door, trying to twist the knob! I was stuck. There was nobody in the bathroom, so I did what anyone would do in this situation, I prayed! I was surprisingly not worried or freaking out. It was actually quite humorous to me, especially once I started imagining Luke standing outside wondering what happened to me!

After about five minutes (literally!), the knob just turned as if nothing was wrong with it! I washed my hands and walked out shaking my head. Luke was patiently waiting for me, and upon seeing me, gave me a look of, “Are you okay?”

So I recounted the entire tale on the way out to the car, and we laughed pretty hard! “That’s my girlfriend!” he proudly remarked. It was pretty funny, but I guess you had to be there! We decided that God wanted to delay us for some reason.

So Luke drove us over to Elwood Drive (now University Ave), and turned south. The pavement soon turned into gravel, and I started to wonder where we were going!

“I’ve never been down this way before,” I said.

“I know,” he replied.

“How did you know that?” I asked curiously.

“Because there is nothing down here,” he said coolly.

“Babe, there HAS to be SOMETHING down here if we are going to dinner and you’re driving this way!” I said searchingly.

He just smiled and drove on. I was starting to get curious and excited for this surprise dinner! We drove until we were just outside of town and the houses were really spread out. We turned into an old homestead driveway and drove up near a nice looking farmhouse. I was too curious NOT to ask.

“Where are we? Are we eating dinner at this farmhouse?” I asked.

“You’ll see.” He replied with a smile.

He grabbed a backpack he had put in the backseat of the car, and we started to a trek, through the snow and wind, past the farmhouse and down a ways to a one-room log cabin. Upon entering the dimly lit room, my nostrils were intoxicated with the smell of wood burning in the fireplace, pine decorating the perimeter of the room, and something delicious cooking in a crock-pot across the room. There was a little table in the center with candles and a place setting for two. There was also wine on a nearby table and two glasses.

At this point, I was FREAKING OUT with excitement! I LOVE log cabins and rustic scenes, and this was over-the-top! I gave Luke a big hug and thanked him at least a dozen times! He gave me blanket from his backpack and wrapped it around me (it was fairly chilly in the cabin, which made it even BETTER!) Then he poured us some beef stew (from the crock-pot), gave us hunks of Irish Soda Bread (it was YUMMY), and poured us some wine. It was an amazing dinner!

It turns out that he had rented the cabin, and the lady whom owned it made us this homemade meal! She was TOTALLY excited to rent it out for a date, and offered to make us anything we wanted. Well, Luke knows I LOVE beef stew, and he loves Irish Soda Bread (I do too), so that is what he asked for. She went above and beyond, and even made us dessert, which she discretely brought in after we had finished dinner. It was an incredible time!

After dinner, we went over by the fire and Luke said he wanted to read me a passage from the Bible. Now, let me just say that this (in and of itself) is not an odd thing for us, as staffers especially! We like to share what God has shown us through His Word. But then he turned to Proverbs 31 (the second half), and I KNEW something was up. He was also kneeling on the ground, trying to read the passage by fireside, but it was still too curious to pass off as a coincidence.

After the passage was finished, he said something like, “You are all these things in my life… an amazing woman of God. Would you marry me?” That is when he pulled out the ring, and I, of course, said YES! I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a huge hug… for like 2 minutes… thanking him for the wonderful night and proposal.

You can imagine he was happy with this response, but soon he said, “Can I put the ring on your finger now? It’s kind of an important part of the proposal!” Hahaha! I was so excited that I had totally forgotten about the ring he was holding! It was BEAUTIFUL and just what I wanted!

That is when I started crying, and continued to cry for about 5 minutes! I was just so happy and thanked God for the great work He had done in both of our lives! God has brought us both a long way, and though we did nothing to deserve it, He gave us more than we both could have ever dreamed of… each other! So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that Luke and I are engaged! Yay!

Oh, and one final note. Luke told me later that as we were pulling up to the farmhouse, the woman was walking out of the cabin. I did not notice this, thankfully, so I had no idea. If we had arrived even a minute earlier, we would have walked in on her setting up the cabin for our date. So praise God for His stall-tactics! The moral of the story? Don’t get mad when you get locked in a bathroom stall, because it could save your whole evening! Just trust God will use it for His glory!

Guest Blogger Luke-God’s story of love and refinement in my life.

2007-10-30T17:22:00.000-06:00

It started in the summer of 2006 when I looked across the Rock and saw a woman named Holly Boston passionately chasing after God. What really caught my eye was the passion and zeal with which she lived caused her to live solely for God. When I saw this needless to say I thought that it was beautiful and rightly so. I didn’t think that much of it at the time but about a month later I realized that something about Holly was resounding in my heart. So I stared to pray and ask God that he would take away my interest in her. This prayer had always worked in the past yet after a few more months of growing interest even though I hardly ever saw her and had never actually served with her, I decided to let Tim Borseth and Mike Biang know my interest and asked for their prayer on my behalf. I figured that if this wasn’t from God then with these men’s prayer it would go away. A couple of months after this Holly came back from staff training and Holly, Nate Swinton, and I started to go through the process of going on staff together. Through this process all of us were being taken through the highs and lows of seeking God for everything in our lives and his provision. I was able to watch how Holly intimately knew and loved our Lord and how when the hard times hit she ran to him. Around this time I also let my father know of my interest in Holly and asked for his council and prayer. He as Tim had told me to wait and for many good reasons, so I honored their council and waited. This continued until about six months ago when through much prayer and digging in the word I felt as though God was telling me that this was the woman that I was meant to marry. This was quite the revelation, so I spent the next few months praying and confirming and growing in confidence that this in fact was Gods will and not just my own desire. Ounce I was as confident as I could be I went to ask Tim Borseth, Paul Johnson and my Father for council and their blessing in pursuing this relationship. They all said that they would like some time to pray about it and see what God would say to them. The waiting process up to this point had been hard but nothing compared to waiting and wondering when I was convinced that I had heard from God. I mean you start to wonder if council is going to agree with what you have heard and these Godly men love me and so of course God would let them know if I was wrong. But if I hadn’t heard Gods voice on this can I hear Gods voice at all?
Well about a month and a half after I had asked for council I still hadn’t heard back from any of them and Holly and I had to go up to a follow up conference in Ann Arbor Michigan. This would mean a ten hour drive there the weekend together at the conference and a ten hour drive back alone with Holly. I knew that this would just tear me apart so I started to contemplate going to part-time staff because only full time staffers had to go to the conference. I also started to call around to see if there was someone who could come with us so we wouldn’t be alone in the car. But the day for us to leave came and none of the people I had asked were able to go. I made it about five hours in the car with her when my stomach started to cramp and I started to have a pain in my chest as though someone was kneeling on my chest. That knight I got about four hours of sleep and when I woke up at five a.m. I went out and prayed until breakfast. I threw up breakfast and couldn’t keep and food down all weekend. Every free moment I had I spent praying and begging God. God was gracious to me at the conference there were a couple of dear brothers who prayed with me and for me. But the only relief I felt was when I was in prayer and when I had to go back to be with people the pain would come right back. Finally the conference ended and we came back but the pain wouldn’t go away and I still couldn’t eat. On Monday I sat down with my Dad and told him where I was and asked for his council he gave me his blessing and prayed for me. I then got together with Paul and Tim and asked them for their council, they both gave me the same answer to wait two weeks and then come back to them and see were things were at. On Thursday I was laying in bed in early a.m. hours and had not been able to eat for six days now and had hardly slept and was begging God for anything that would end my misery. I just wanted a rest and peace and to know what He wanted for me. Finally in that moment lying there just listening to God he spoke and said “Luke, Just watch me establish you in a month.” After hearing that I was skeptical and wanted to know that was in fact Gods voice so I said “Lord if this is your voice then I need this pain to go away and stay gone.” And as soon as I finished asking in that very moment the pain was gone. And I was exhausted; I realized that I had been living on nothing but prayer and adrenaline for the past six days. I SLEPT…… In Gods words there was much more than just the answer about Holly he said that he had a plan for me that it was Him who was going to establish me not I. God Is So Good!
I spent the next two weeks seeking God and growing in confidence that I was meant to approach Holly in a month. When the two weeks ended I came to Tim and he gave me his blessing. So I went to Paul and he gave me his blessing. Then I needed to talk to one last person, you see Holly had it set up that before a guy were to approach her she wanted him to have the blessing of Jason Dietzenbach. So I sat down with Jason and we spent a few hours talking and praying. He said that he would like a week to pray and see what God would have to say to him. On Friday he said that he would call me around six or seven on Wednesday and also that he had a few thoughts for me. So I was thinking alright he is going to tell me to wait or tell me no. I started to prepare my heart for this answer. On Wednesday 6 came and went then 6:30 came and went finally 7 came and still no phone call so I called Jason and left a message. He called me back saying that some stuff had come up and he was on his way to prayer and would call me around 9ish. I started to freak out so I went out walking a praying for the next couple of hours. So finally 9 came and went, 9:15 came and went, 9:30 came and went AND STILL NO CALL! I was thinking that pour Jason was trying to think of the kindest way to tell me no. Finally shortly after 10 I got the call and Jason asked me if anything had changed I as calmly as I could replied that nothing had changed. So he said “I don’t see-“ and I thought here comes the no “-any reason not to encourage this relationship.” I didn’t know what to say so I asked for his prayer as I now needed to hear from God for the exact time to talk to Holly. Over the next few days God put Tuesday at 6 p.m. on my heart. So on Sunday night I called Holly up and asked her if she was free Tuesday night at six because I had a story to tell her. The plans were made, now I just had to wait and pray. I was doing fine until about four thirty when I my patience started to give out, but the Lord reminded me that he had set that time for a reason even though I had no idea why. So I picked her up at six and took her to one of my favorite spots in ledges where there is a cliff that overlooks the valley that the river runs through. I was surprised that Holly never asked where we were going the entire trip out. I was also concerned because she seemed excited but scared. When we came to the cliff the sun was starting to set and I the clouds were painted in way that I had never seen before, I inwardly thanked God. We sat down and she wanted to give me my birthday present, as my birthday was next day, I opened it though my thoughts were on what I was about to say and not on the gift. I was approaching the biggest question that I had ever asked anyone in my life and wondered if I had a enough courage to face the answer. While all of this was going on in my head Holly was making conversation and I was curious why she hadn’t asked me what the story was that I had to tell her. So finally I said, “I have a statement to make and a question to ask you before I tell you my story.” (great intro right) I then told her how much I respected and admired her and that after much prayer and council I was convinced that she was the woman that was meant for me and that I could never love another woman as much as I loved her and that I would be honored if she you pray about courting me. After hearing this she with a completely strait face and in a emotionless voice said that she would need to pray about it and then asked me who I had gotten council from. This was a slightly less well, “happy” response that I had hoped for. So when she asked me to tell her the story and began to tell her about the last year and half I was preparing to receive one of the greatest agonies of my life. After I finished my story she said that she would like some time to pray right now. So while she was sitting there in silence I had some of the cookies that she had made for my birthday and sipped on some tea that we had brought and watched the sun setting the valley. The only way that I can describe it was that God was there with me holding me and I trusted him to give Holly the confidence in him no matter what the answer was. Admittedly I lost track of time but maybe half hour went by when finally Holly turned to me and said “you have been very patient sir.” I replied that God has been teaching me a little bit about patience over the past year and a half. She then said that she would like to tell me her story and proceeded to tell me how over the past year she had struggled with me and that she could never love another man as much as she love me! A wall of Joy hit me in the face as she told me this and all I could think to say was “can I give you a hug”. As we were hugging she said “I guess this is me saying yes”. I wanted to lift her off the ground and jump for joy at the same time. My heart was pounding so hard I thought the whole world was shaking and there seemed to be fire running up and down my spine. I was dreaming I had to be dreaming. But this was better than a dream this was God given reality.
We spent the next few hours laughing about how many moments there had been when both of us had been in agony and were completely oblivious to what the other person was going through. We then set out a foundation for our relationship 1) Don’t let the sunset while we’re angry (so the devil can’t get a foothold), 2) No kissing until marriage, 3) We don’t let anything distract us from God,,, if this relationship doesn’t spur us toward Him, then we need to seriously re-evaluate it, 4) We will make sure that the other person is spending the time needed with the men and women that we are serving with and are reaching out to. (Basically that we will not become exclusive from the family and ministry that God has given us)

This is just the beginning and I can’t wait to see where God will be taking Holly and I next. Thank you very much for your love and prayer.

An Amazing Story: Agony, Silence, & Love...

2007-10-18T22:27:00.000-06:00

It all started a year ago. I realized that I really respected and admired a guy named Luke Anderson (as a godly man) in the Rock. Soon I realized that I needed to be very cautious around him. My thoughts often drifted towards him, but I did NOT want to let them distract me, so I would shut them down right away. I did not let my mind focus on him... never letting myself think about him too much or showing him any sort of favoritism (making sure I treated him like every other brother in the Rock).

It was easy at first cuz we hardly ever saw each other. But, soon it became hard, as we became good friends through being on staff together. By God’s grace alone, I was able to take my thoughts captive pretty well, reminding myself that God’s grace was sufficient and He loved me where I was at. No condemnation in Christ, so each day I started over. Plus, I was support raising, which let me tell you, is so hard at first that I didn't have any emotional strength to think about anyone other than Christ!

This went on for a long time, but eventually (two months ago) God got me in the swing of things with support raising, and I started to enjoy the ups and downs... the constant emotional pain that requires God’s healing touch (which He ALWAYS gave) and the never knowing what to expect that requires constant prayer (which God ALWAYS answered… just not always in the way I expected!) Basically, I was content with this crazy time. I wanted so bad to be done support raising, but I knew that God was doing it in His timing and I had NO complaints! BUT, that left me the emotional strength to think about Luke! AND we ended up having to spend more and more time together for staff things… and that made it worse and worse! He was one of my nearest and dearest friends, and I couldn’t imagine life without this friendship. I just took every opportunity to take those wayward thoughts and turn them into prayers! I prayed for him a lot… for his support raising… for his character… that he would follow the LORD faithfully… his heart journey with Christ… and most of all, that if he was meant to marry, that God would prepare that woman and make her someone who could come along side him and propel him towards Christ!

In an attempt to win the battle of contentment, I first never spoke of my struggles with anyone. I didn’t want to verbalize it and make it seem more “real”. Plus, I was convinced that the guy didn’t like me (he never showed me favoritism from what I could see, to any girl for that matter, and I LOVED that about him), and that neither of us needed to be in relationships at that time. Next, I started to avoid social situations where he would be in which I had no ministry purpose. I didn’t want to give in to temptations, and it was hard. But as much as I tried, we kept crossing paths! Somehow, I finally won the battle (or so I thought!) I stopped the thoughts well when they came up, and I avoided him well enough, that God was truly my focus most of the time.

Then, last Sunday night came. Luke called me and said he needed to tell me a story. I waited for him to start telling it, but instead he said, “How does Tuesday at 6pm work for you?” I was confused by this (why couldn’t he just tell me over the phone?), but I agreed. Ironically, it was the only night that week that I was even free.

As soon as I hung up the phone, however, I started FREAKING OUT! I stopped any attempt by my brain to convince me that he liked me… in fact… I was so utterly convinced that he was about to tell me that he was in love with another girl that I was almost sick! Why did this bother me so much? I felt horrible for even thinking this, but I finally realized that I wasn't sure if I could be happy for him! I felt like I was losing my best friend! What if that other girl doesn’t like me and I never get to hang out with him again? OH MAN! I secretly wanted HIM to like ME, yet I didn’t want to have that thought in my head! No. Bad thought… unrighteous… and totally not honoring to him or the LORD. So I admitted it to God, gave it to Him, and never thought it again. Yet, I was in agony about the whole situation! I didn’t know what he was going to say, but I knew in the pit of my stomach that it was about a girl! I knew I wasn’t good enough for him… and knew he deserved the best girl! I wanted to be happy for his happiness! So I began to pray that God would prepare my heart and give me the correct response

After pure AGONY for two days, Tuesday finally comes. I prayed all day! “God, please prepare me in advance! Give me the right response!” Gut wrenching pain strikes at 5pm, about an hour before he arrives. So, I read psalm 139 and remembered that God has pre-ordained every day. This day. So I asked God what He wanted me to know. And I felt like He was asking me, "Do you trust me?

“Yes”, I said.

"Do you trust Luke?" God asked again.

“Yes LORD”, I replied.

"Then let me figure out the rest”, God said.

“Okay Papa”, I said.

So I was finally calm... ready for anything! He picks me up and I remember to bring along his birthday gift (homemade cookies) as a good distraction for me. We're talking like normal, laughing about the random things we like to chat about, and then I notice we're on the highway. I wondered where we were going, but remembered God's question about trust, and I decided not to ask.

Finally, we end up at Ledges (a state park in our area). We pulled into a part of it that I've never seen before. We’ve gone to Ledges before to pray about staff and support raising stuff, so I figured we were going to pray after his story or something?

We are walking along this trail, talking as if we are on some kind of adventure, and I treasure the moment... thinking this is the last time I'll ever get to take an adventure with my friend alone again... sad! We came to a clearing, on a rock over looking a river (it was like a mini version of the Lion King rock face, near the “Circle of Life”). It was near sunset and was captivating! I was stricken by the beauty all around me!

I was not really able to think about much by this stage. He spread out a blanket to sit on, and I think, “What a gentleman…” which lead to, “this place is forever ruined cuz I'm about to get the worst news ever, but yet it is the best news ever for him... and he'll be so happy... and I need to be happy for him and this other girl!" So I quickly give him his gift... and he seems a bit distracted.

Finally, he says, "I need to make a statement and ask you a question before I tell you my story.” I'm thinking, "Great! He's not only going to profess his love for another girl, but now he wants my opinion or approval or something!"

He says something along the lines of, "For over a year and a half, I've been struggling with this..." and I'm thinking, "Do I really want to hear how he fell in love with this other girl? Ahhhh!”

But he goes on with something like, “and after lots of prayer, counsel, and leading from the LORD, I believe there is not another woman in the whole world I could ever love as much as you and would be honored if you would pray about courting me."

I was in shock. And for the first time in my life, I was STRICKEN SPEECHLESS! I had no idea what just happened! And out of my mouth comes the words (in a quiet, calm and emotionless voice) "Can I hear your story now?" (I know… such eloquence, right?)

Poor Luke was probably thinking that I didn’t like him by this stage… cuz I was completely docile! But hey, I was in SHOCK! What else could I say?

Anyway, he goes on to tell me all about the last year and a half. He said something along the lines of how he had first noticed me across the Rock. Just my personality, the way I loved the LORD, how I wasn’t afraid to look like a fool while asking questions about Christ. He said his normal “crushes” on girls came about when he spent lots of time with them (serving or doing ministry together or whatever), but they would pass quickly. These feelings of respect and attraction did not fade, and after awhile, he decided to tell some godly mentors and our pastor about it. They told him to wait and pray. So he did… for a YEAR! They drilled him with questions, forced him to think about difficult scenarios, and questioned his ability and readiness to support a family and lead it. Wow. He even approached the screeners I had set up (godly men whom I had asked to screen men interested in dating/courting me to assess their intents, readiness for a godly relationship, and their hearts for following the LORD). After months of waiting in agony, they all slowly gave their approvals. Even his family and best friends did, and God gave him a specific day and time to ask me (Tuesday at 6pm).

After he stopped talking, I just sat there a moment. It was dark enough that he couldn't really see my expression, but I couldn’t even tell you what it must have been, cuz I was still in shock. This could NOT be real, could it? It had to be a dream!

Finally, I quietly said, in a calm monotone voice, something like "I need some silence right now to pray to God…" Yet inside, I was SCREAMING! Yes… freaking out! Me? No. Not possible. I’m not worthy! This is not what I was expecting! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

After what must have been 15-20 minutes (it felt much longer) of recollecting the past year and the last 2 days, I started thinking random thoughts like, “I need to make him wait and talk to my screener… wait… no… he’s done that. Okay… um… I need to pray about this for a week... at least a day so that people won’t think I’m a bad Christian girl!”

Finally, after spewing all this out to the LORD silently in my head, I calmed down. I realized that I was trying to control this, and not really asking God what HE wanted me to do. When I did, I felt God’s quiet voice ask, “Why won’t you accept this from me!” I replied, “Because I don’t deserve him, LORD!” But God responded with, “That is NOT why I give people things! I do it because I love you, little one!” Finally, peace swept over me. I felt like He wanted me to tell Luke my side of the story... to be HONEST. After another 5-10 minutes of hearing nothing else but “share your story”, I realized that I had been praying for this for 2 days! For the “right response”. So, I decided to go ahead a do it. “Give me the words, God!”

Meanwhile, Luke is perfectly silent. He sipped on tea, ate the cookies I made him, and looked down at the river silently. I looked at him and said, “You are patient, sir!” And he says something along the lines of, “I’ve been learning a lot about patience this past year and a half.” I finally smile, and say, "Now I get to tell you my story" and proceed to share all that I shared above about this past year and the past few days.

The words just flowed out of my mouth, and I was not thinking about them. God was just giving them to me (hopefully eloquently, but I don’t recall!) And I end with something like (before I could stop myself), “…I could never love anyone else the way I love you!” Yup… that was the clincher! It was my heart talking. He looks at me and says, "Can I give you a hug?" Of course I say yes, and it was our first real hug! Oh so priceless!

Then I'm like, "I guess this is me saying "yes", huh?” And we laughed! We then proceed to recollect the past few months, laughing about all the agonizing moments we shared without realizing we both were struggling! And we of course set some boundaries: 1) Don’t let the sun set while we’re angry (so the devil can’t get a foothold), 2) No kissing until marriage, 3) We don’t let anything distract us from God… if this relationship doesn’t spur us towards Him, then we need to seriously re-evaluate it, 4) His time with the guys and mine with the girls (right now while we’re in the courting stage of our relationship), especially in a ministry capacity, take precedence to any desires of wanting to spend time together (same goes for support raising).

Finally I asked who he wanted to tell first, and he’s like, “Actually, do you want to come to my parents house with me, because my family is sort of waiting in their living room!” I was totally excited to, and we did. It was glorious! What a day! What a week! What an adventure that we started on! Oh things are going to be hard, the devil is going to attack, and we are going to hurt each other… but God is sovereign! He brought us together, neither of us deserved the other and neither of us DID anything to attract the other. It was God. So He’ll see this through, whatever the end result is! Praise God for that!

Anyway… thanks for reading God's amazing love story! It was a long one, but it has made me walk on sunshine for 2 days now!

Connection Campaign: I Need Your Help!

2007-10-04T19:04:00.000-06:00

Hello dear friend! I’m writing today because I NEED YOUR HELP! Over the past few months, I have become very low on new people to contact to finish raising my support. At my recent evaluation as a GCM missionary , I was encouraged to maintain an average of 100 new contacts. They explained that this is critical for finishing raising support, and that it will get me back on campus faster!

As such, I've decided to do a "Connection Campaign". I am asking the LORD to provide 75 names in 7 days. My prayer goal is to have these new names by October 12^th, and believe me when I say, this goal is within reach and YOU play a vital role!

Would you be willing to take the next week to think of five individuals who, like yourself, have a heart for the gospel and for reaching young people? Then could you email me their contact info?

I realize it is a bit uncomfortable to pass along the names of your friends, but just think about the opportunity you are providing them! You are giving the people you love the chance to bless a ministry of our LORD, and in return, He will greatly bless them! Furthermore, I would love for you to ask them in advance if it would be okay for me to call them.

Please don’t let people’s financial situation discourage you from connecting me with them! I am interested in speaking with anyone who might be encouraged to hear about what God is doing with missions throughout the world, even those who are not able to make financial commitments. I've found that people who cannot give are still able to connect me with others they know who are able to do so!

Regardless of any names you are able to share with me, please know that I long to pray for you and your family! I would be delighted if you took a moment to also send along any prayer requests that I can keep in mind for the next week. I can only imagine how many trials you are facing right now, and I'd love to pray for you!

Thanks for your careful consideration! May God’s peace and hope fill you this week!

Heart Healing: The Four Leaf Clover

2007-09-23T23:32:00.000-06:00

God has been working a lot on my heart lately. I've had extreme highs and lows in my emotional condition, but every second of pain has been worth it. I find it difficult to describe to others this "Heart-Journey" God has me on, especially if they've never dared to look at the deepest regions of their own hearts to bring God's light there. I know I've avoided it in the past like the plague (it is just too ugly to look at... too painful sometimes), and even to this day, I will avoid God for awhile before falling completely at His feet, baring it all. But, I dare to try and explain, for God is amazing in the way He meets us right where we are, waiting for us to come to Him honestly and be vulnerable with our emotions and feelings, and providing intimate answers to our heart questions as He delicately mends the festering wounds that plague our everyday lives.

This month God's heart mending has been more beautiful than words can describe! It has been more wonderful and comforting than I ever thought possible. Now, before you get too excited, let me just tell you that the pain I experienced BEFORE the healing came was horrendous! It was paralyzing! The pain ran so deep and the emotions flowed so strongly that I literally couldn't function... I wanted to die! I PHYSICALLY hurt! Have you ever felt that way? Like you didn't know exactly what was wrong, but you were so confused and distraught inside that you wanted to scream?

This was me a few weeks ago. I was suppose to be having a day of rest... a day with the LORD, but I was subconsciously avoiding Him... finding little things to distract me. Finally, in the middle of the afternoon, I felt like I NEEDED to get out of the house and go be with God. So I went to Brookside Park, to my special place with God, and by the time I reached my log (where I like to pray), I was sobbing. I felt so much grief and sadness, but I hadn't a clue where it was coming from.

Finally, I felt thoughts forming in my head. I wanted direction for my life... what was I suppose to do with this time of support raising? I didn't feel like I was special enough to be doing ministry... I wasn't even sure what my ministry was suppose to look like. I knew what I wanted to do, but what did God want from me? Then I heard myself say to the LORD, "I'm sick of being in this world! I feel like I'm wasting away, like there is nothing special about me or for me to do here! I know that fantasy lands don't exist, but part of me wishes I was a part of one instead of a part of this world! I know that you made me for a reason, but I can't see it! I don't even know why I'm still here! What am I suppose to do? Why did you even make me? I just long to feel special, LORD, is that so bad? I feel condemned for even wanting such things! Why?! What do you want from me?!"

Now, don't get me wrong, in my conscious rational mind, I knew that God made me special. I knew why I was here... but I didn't feel it! Deep down, in the core of my being, my heart hurt and I was afraid to ask God these things, and I certainly didn't feel what my mind told me was true! It was as if I was a 3rd grader again... in the days when I had no friends... when I felt like I wasn't special enough to be their friend... so I'd play by myself, making up a fantasy world in my mind where I pretended I was from another world and didn't really belong in this one. But I knew that my fantasy world wasn't real, so I tried every way possible to make myself look special... for my whole life I've done this... hoping that if I looked special, maybe I'd be special too! This was a futile mission at best. "Am I special, God?" was the true cry of my heart.

Suddenly, I looked down (after expressing all this to Him, through gritted teeth, tears, and almost yelling!) Next to the log I was sitting on, I saw a patch of clovers. I instantly remembered that I had spent countless hours as a kid (in the 3rd grade mostly) looking for a four-leaf-clover. Everyday at recess I'd look, hoping, but never did I succeed. Then, I saw one... right there, in that small little patch (about the size of a pancake) next to the log! A real, perfectly shaped four-leaf-clover! I reached down and picked it, twirling it in my fingers, feeling like it was a gift for me from God. Then I heard a silent voice in my head, 4 little words that touched me deep in my soul. "I Make You Special." God was telling me that I was special, not by what I do, but because He makes each of us, fearfully and wonderfully (Ps 139:14)!

So, not only did He tell me that, but I placed my new 4-leaf-clover in my Bible for safe keeping. When I went back to find it (I was planning to make it into a bookmark for my Bible), it was stuck in Ezekiel 2. This is where God tells Ezekiel to go out and speak to a rebellious nation, whether or not they listen. God told him that his job was to speak God's Message. That is what I felt like God was telling me. Speak His Message. So, I also got told why I was here on this earth still, and what I needed to do with my life. Thankfully, going on Staff with GCM will help me do that every day! Praise Him for the way He leads!

Okay, so that isn't all the healing I got this month in my heart, but that is all I have room to share right now! Oh, dear friends, my prayer for you is that you'll experience this healing in your heart... the intimacy that God wants to give you! I'm sure some of you have gotten such healing from the LORD, and I Praise Him for that! As for the rest, He's waiting for you to ask for it! To seek it! (Matt 7:7) Anyway, I'll maybe blog about the rest another time... Love you, my brothers and sisters!

Sorta Homeless...

2007-07-31T21:10:00.000-06:00

Yes... you heard right. My 4 roommates and I are sorta homeless as of today at 8am. We had signed a new lease for a 6-bedroom house, but the renovations were behind schedule, and the place was not safe to move into. Thanks to an amazing friend from church, we were able to "reason" with the landlord, and got our money back. But, now we have no place to move into! With the help of some awesome friends/family, we were able to move all our stuff out of our old place and into storing at various garages/porches of some VERY generous people from our church, so PRAISE GOD for them!

As for roofs over our heads, I am staying with The Hanson Family (for those of you who don't know them, they are an incredibly hospitable and generous family from our church), and my roommates are staying with various friends/relatives/coworkers. So far, we have been SERIOUSLY BLESSED! God has been providing for all our needs, so don't worry! But, none of us are sure how long we will have to go through this... which means a number of things:

1) WE NEED PRAYER! There are few leads on housing options since it is so late in the year. All of us are under a lot of stress, from job responsibilities, to having most of our stuff in storage, and also trying to fit in looking for a place to live. We might end up having to split up, which is fine... but we want God's will here! Please pray that we will seek God through this entire fiasco! Also, pray that God will bless the Hansons and everyone else that has helped us out over the past few days!

2) NO NEW ADDRESS! Although my mail is being forwarded from my previous address to the Hanson's, I don't actually have a new one to give you! In case you need to send me something in the next week or so, the Hanson's address is in the phone book.

3) I'M AT THE END OF MY ROPE! This is not all bad though. In Matthew 5:3, Jesus says that we are blessed when we are at the end of our ropes, because there is less of us and more of God and His rule! So at least I know I'm being blessed with God's best right now! That doesn't mean the Spiritual Warfare isn't intense. I am physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted! All I can do is cling to Christ... the only stable and solid thing in my life right now! I'm having difficulties making calls cuz I'm just beat. You probably haven't seen or heard from me in awhile, and that is because I'm feeling overwhelmed. It takes all I have to survive from hour to hour... I have little left to be reaching out to anyone! I hope to change this about myself... God is helping me with that... but for now... this is all I can do! Write to you I mean!

Please pray for me! Pray that I'll continue to cling to God, that I'll be refreshed in Him, and that I'll wait for His providence... because as King David said in Psalm 62 "God, the one and only— I'll wait as long as He says. Everything I need comes from Him, so why not? He's solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul..." God will provide... I just know it!

I Am CrAzY... For God!

2007-07-21T23:45:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been brought to the point in your relationship with the LORD where you have to cling so close to Him just to survive one day? It is an amazing transformation… the closer I cling, the more aware of His perfection and purity I become. This awareness causes me to see just how lost and fallen I am… things that I never noticed before about my personality seem to stick out so repulsively that I can hardly stand to be with myself. I think, “This is not me… this is not who I was created to be.” And here’s the clincher… my awareness only skims the surface of God’s majesty… I can barely grasp Him for what He really is… GREAT, MIGHTY, MAGNIFICENT, HOLY!

The only thing I can do is cling to Him with everything that I have, trusting that the LORD is helping me change those things that neither of us can stand. After all, He is my everything… the ONLY thing I have left in this world, my only source of joy anymore, and the only scrap of sanity that I can honestly muster… or so says my heart… yet sometimes my actions don’t reflect this. I think that is what frustrates me the most. Praise GOD that He is our Father, our Intimate Friend, and our Personal Trainer. I am so thankful that SOMEONE knows what is going on inside me, and not only sees things for how they really are, but also sees me for whom I really am! Thanks to Christ, when my Father looks at me, He sees His beautiful creation. When I don’t act like His child should, the Holy Spirit sends up the red flag and reminds me that I have more than just the potential to be greater than what I’m living, I AM greater. I am a child of the LIVING GOD! Royalty! A real warrior for the Spirit!

When I’m not acting like my REAL self, it’s not like I do anything big… it is the little things. How I let myself get distracted easily when I know I should be doing something that is a bit painful or un-fun… or how I might be quick to judge another or quick to speak without thinking first. But this is where the war is won… during the little battles of everyday life. The process of internal refinement is painful, yet a necessary part of surviving this world. Like Paul said in Philippians 1:29, “There's far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There's also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.” Now don’t misinterpret this verse… trusting in Christ is VERY important (that is where salvation comes from), but it is not the only thing that a Christian should do when following the LORD… we must also learn to suffer with Him… and remain steadfast, loyal, and thankful. That is where the rubber hits the road my friend… life as a follower of Christ is not all fun and games… it is not easy street… it is the hardest task anyone could EVER place before you.

It begs the question: Are you willing to suffer for the LORD? Are you willing to give up comfort, career goals, personal ambitions, money, popularity, “great” ideas, pleasure, lovers, and even your “rights” as a citizen of this world… to follow the will of Christ even when it doesn’t make any sense to you or doesn’t seem “fair”? Could you do so with a thankful heart? Or in front of your co-workers? How about your parents or loved ones? Your girlfriend/boyfriend? When we follow Christ, we will all be asked to do things like this. What will YOU choose?

I feel as though, through support raising, I’ve been asked to do many of these things. By choosing to forgo a career in Corporate America to work as a missionary to college women at Iowa State, some of my family thinks that I’m wasting my degree, my life, and my potential. I’ve been told by others that it is a worthless pursuit, especially since I’m not even “going anywhere” (as in another country). I’ve been called an occultist, a lazy begger, and a fool. The most common criticism I receive is for trusting God to provide the funds necessary. But all this ridicule isn’t the hardest part of support raising. It is the separation from the people I so desperately want to labor beside for the Gospel. It is the inability to be directly and emotionally involved in college students’ lives. It is the constant mind games and attacks from the enemy (that shoot arrows at every part of my life), the potential to not be able to afford food or rent or some other bill from month to month, to see the Fall coming so quickly and not being done raising support, and even the constant internal refinement as I cling to the LORD during this whole process. But, I am thankful! I know that suffering for the LORD is the best and only thing I can do. I have no where else to go... no where else I’d rather be… nobody else I’d rather run to… I have lost everything, yet gained more than I could ever comprehend. I am in an emotional funk often times, yet more joyful and sure of the LORD than ever before.

What does all this amount to? Doesn't all this sound insane? You bet it does! But, as Paul said in 2 Corinthians 5:13, “If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit.” Yup… you’d have to be CrAzY… and you know what? I AM CRAZY... FOR GOD!

Gong Fu Tea

2007-07-19T20:20:00.000-06:00

Last Tuesday, my roommate Christy treated me to a night of tea tasting in Des Moines. For many, I understand this must sound incredibly dull, but it is a little known fact that I am a DEVOTED tea aficionado. I LOVE tea.

Anyway, it was at Gong Fu Tea on 6^th St in Des Moines. The little shop is quite contemporary in décor, with teapots lining one of the walls, tea sets and other merchandise on a few shelves, and another wall lined solely with large metal canisters filled with loose-leaf tea. There was soft, classical Asian-style music playing gently in the background, and the bar was lined with little white porcelain saucers and teapots. It was simple, elegant, and inviting… everything a teashop should be! I couldn’t imagine a lovelier place to be on a Tuesday night!

There were three people behind the counter. The two dark-haired men (Mike & Rusty) were of medium height, slender build, and soft spoken. The woman was the wife of one of the men. Together, the three owned and operated this shop with love and enthusiasm for tea.

This night was the Beginner’s Class To Tea Tasting. We would sample a five-tier flight of China Teas (their words, not mine), during which they hoped we’d encounter a quintessential representation of each basic tea category produced in China. The tasting progressed from lightest in body (least oxidized) to those fullest in flavor and strength. We were each given a packet of papers with space to write down the appearance and aroma of the three different stages of the tea (dry leaf, infused leaf, and liquor) and the taste of the liquor (the tea).

The entire night the main owner informed us about each type of tea leaf, from where it grew to the picking process, even the history, % of caffeine, and any other tidbit of information you can think of! It was so much fun! I highly recommend it! We each got to take home a saucer and tea pot as well! I hope to take the Advanced Class next! Maybe when my support reaches 50% or something…

Dear Friend

2007-06-16T23:11:00.000-06:00

You, dear Friend, do You not know, just how much I love You so?

Towards You, dear Friend, I dare not look. Your face reads "Scorn", just like a book.

You, dear Friend, do You not see, just how much You mean to me?

Nothing, dear Friend, did I do, to deserve such hatred and coldness from You.

You, dear Friend, did You not hear, just how much I want you near?

Your attitude, dear Friend, may hurt you see, but really has little to do with me.

You, dear Friend, are lost I fear... this is not You! You never snear!

From me, dear Friend, You hide your heart. Until you confide, we'll be apart.

You, dear Friend, to God I give, and I pray our friendship may again live.

For You, dear Friend, I now beseech, that God help you out of the Devil's reach.

You, dear Friend, will overcome this trial, and on that day, together we'll smile!

Lessons Learned

2007-06-02T15:46:00.000-06:00

God is incredible. Lately, He’s touched my heart with a number of different lessons. I felt like I should share a little of what the Lord has done in my life lately.

Ever since I started Support Raising, I've been praying and trusting the Lord to provide for all my needs. So far I’ve had little trouble raising enough funds in special gifts to live comfortably (having rent, utilities, gas, and groceries covered), but this month was a different story! Due to some glitches in the system, less special gifts, and a few eye doctor visits (I might need to go in for surgery soon, so pray for me!), I had no money to buy groceries. This was alright at first, because I had a bit stored up and some dried goods left (like pasta and stuff). Looking at my budget last week, I realized I would have to survive on very little for the next 3 weeks. I believed God could allow the food to stretch, just like when He multiplied the loaves of bread and fish. But secretly, in a part of my heart, I longed for fresh food! I really don’t like pasta very much, and the thought of eating it every day made me sad. But I really wanted to be content, so I prayed and asked for contentment with the food that I had, but it was seriously hard! It was almost as though God didn’t want me to “settle” for the food that I had, but I didn’t see how I was going to get any more!

Then, yesterday, someone called me up and said God had placed it on his heart to take me grocery shopping. In fact, he felt the overwhelming sense that he was not to leave the grocery store until I felt “spoiled with food”. Now, 6 months ago I would have straight up refused him… my pride would have not wanted to let someone else take care of my needs this way. But God has humbled me since then and made me realize that loving people sometimes means letting them serve you. This guy also happens to be the closest thing to an actual brother I have here in Ames, and to say “no” to a big brother never works! So, I was infinitely blessed with food that I not only needed, but I felt spoiled to have! God went way out of His way to show me that He can and will give me the best, even when I’ve already settled my heart on things sub-par! It was like in Deuteronomy 8:2-3, where God brought Israel into the desert, away from all hope of growing food for themselves, yet blessed them with food in ways unimaginable! Praise God for His providence!

As for support raising on a whole, I feel like this month has been a whirlwind of internal refinement and character building. The numbers haven’t increased much (very few new monthly supporters), but God has brought me through a desert of despair and agony. I had so many people in my life that I wanted to help or fix or save, but just couldn’t! When I finally was able to express all this to the Lord, from the deepest parts of my heart, the Lord SPOKE to my heart... right to the place that was yearning to hear! It was not in a verbal way, nor a way that patted me on the head and told me to hang in there. No. God used blunt realizations and His Word. He told me that it was true, I was not able to help or fix or save these people! “You are not God”, He said to my heart. “Those things are not your job!” It was almost a scolding, but it felt so true and left me with so much peace. He was calling me to trust Him. To rest in Him. To stop talking so much and listen more! Just like in Isaiah 30:15-18, where God told Israel to rest on the fact that “the Lord is a faithful God” and “Blessed are those who wait for his help.” Like so many people in the Bible, I was trying to take matters into my own hands, almost trying to be god. But, let’s face it, I would make a horrible god... we all would! Now I feel like God is challenging me to hold on, to trust, and to listen more. Is He telling you something similar?

In the last week, God has started me up a steep mountain climb. I feel as though I am slowly climbing a wall of solid rock, where there appears to be no way up and there is a huge drop down. There is not climbing harness or safety rope on this climb. No map, no guide, no known path. It seemed overwhelming at first, but the Lord reminded me that He knows the way. He is my foothold, and will slowly guide me up the right path. He also told me that this path will not be an easy, straight shot. I will have to work for it. Just like a butterfly and its cocoon. Many of us have heard the story. A butterfly works and struggles for hours to force its way out of the cocoon, but if someone was to help it out by cutting it open, it would die. All of the struggling causes blood to pump through the butterfly’s wings, and in doing so, strengthens them for flight. Without this struggle, its wings would be worthless. That is what I feel like. I am rock climbing, and building spiritual muscle, which I’ll need once I’m up the rock. For it is much harder on top than it ever is when you’re down.

Someone reminded me of Habakkuk 3:19, “The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.” It is true that we all have a mountain to climb, but God will make us like deer who can climb the most impossible terrains! Hope the wisdom God has given me touches your heart like it has mine!

Desperation

2007-05-24T22:35:00.000-06:00

Hello friends! I am writing this today in a state of heart-felt, sisterly love and desperation. My thoughts are all scattered, so I apologize in advance for not making perfect sense!

I miss you guys! It is almost to the point of tears. Support raising has been a bumpy trail and I feel attacked by the devil in all areas of my life: Friends, Health, Roommates, Family, Fellowship, and even my Personal Walk. I can't even express how aware I am that he is attacking all of you as well! If you are like me, you feel like a giant target for every abusive lie the devil can think of: "You’re inadequate and will never succeed", "You can't do this", "You are all alone", "Your prayers do nothing", "You messed up, so now God won’t provide", "They don't really like or love you", "You're not doing enough", "You can't help them", "This will never end"... the list goes on and on. We have a relentless enemy, but we don't have to give into these tempting thoughts! The Holy Spirit has been working hard behind the scenes to help us through such attacks.

I guess I wanted to share how I've been getting through them! Like Jesus when He was tempted in the desert, I've been trying to find scripture to remedy these lies! A specific scripture for each lie. (This was not my idea... I heard an amazing Christian speaker mention it, and it really works!) For instance, "You are inadequate" and "You can’t do this" are somewhat true in the sense that we can do nothing without Christ. But Romans 8:37 (NLT) "despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." I could go down the line, but you get the idea!

It has really been the Word and Prayer that have sustained me, but why am I in agony today? Something is missing! Life has been incredibly challenging lately for us all, and I've found in my life that the lack of time I get to spend in fellowship has compounded the issue for me! I can't handle going 2-3 weeks without seeing you guys and hearing about your lives! It just isn't enough! I've been traveling so much lately that I feel completely detached from everyone, but especially my family. I'm not only talking about my earthly family, but you guys, who are my spiritual family! The Lord has called me into fellowship for good reason, cuz I get filled up by your very presence! So, in my mind at least, it stands to reason why I've felt quite empty and alone lately! This is nobody’s fault but my own! So please don't think I'm scolding anyone here! I'm just full of passionate emotion right now! My evenings are always filled with calling people and initiating contact all the time, so when I have my one-day off, I don't want to initiate with ANYONE! I want to shrink away and hide! But the truth is, I really want to be with people! So, the Lord has shown me the folly of my ways, and I want to apologize to you guys for falling into that devilish snare. I really do miss you guys and want to see you or hear from you or even just pray for 5 minutes in the mornings or evenings with you.

We are a family, God has put you in my life, and I need you guys! I need your prayers and your encouragement! I used to think I had to go this alone cuz I was the one God called into this challenge, but independence and self-reliance hardly ever enter into God's plans! I also realized that God is preparing me for the rest of my life with Him right now, as always, so this isn't just something He wants me to put off until things get better or even to only implement during this time of my life. It is a life lesson that I had to learn by going through hard times... I must be a slow learner! Things will never be easy or "get better" in one sense, not until the day the Lord returns, so it is now or never, right? I once read that Eternity begins with the present... more than ever before, I believe that is true!

Anyway... I'm not sure why I even started to write this post. I guess I just wanted to reach out and touch someone! To tell you guys that I love you and that I miss you and that I'm thinking about you! I’m in Sioux City right now for support raising. It has not been smooth sailing. Few people want to meet with me, and I've even resorted to opening the phone book and calling random churches in the area. I have few names left, as you can tell! Being over here means I will miss a lot of things that I wanted to be at... BBQ's with you, The Rock, grad parties, the Lincoln trip, church on Sunday...but I know that the Lord has a plan and it is best.

I've discovered that I can't do this without you guys! I need you more than you know. I need help praying, not just for my support raising, but for all of you and everyone in our lives! Let me know how you are doing! I miss you and love you guys! Hang in there! God will provide for you! He's got great plans for you! NO MATTER WHATTHE CHALLENGE, you are not alone! Hugs!!

Death Struck This Morning

2007-04-19T19:50:00.000-06:00

Freddy died this morning. For those of you who never met her, Freddy was my pet frog. I’ve had her almost 5 years. When I saw her this morning, I was overcome with grief. I know it may sound silly to some of you, but this was like losing a child. This little frog had depended on me for survival, and I had loved and nurtured it.

When I got her, she was tiny and malnourished. This was around that same time when I had gotten so ill and almost died. I looked just as malnourished and tiny. That summer we both healed up. I was depressed and lonely, because few people understood what I was going through. I felt like Jesus was nourishing me back to health, and I was doing the same for this frog. Now she is gone, and after I cried all the tears I had inside of me, giving my grief to God, I am now so thankful that He had blessed me with such a wonderful pet at just the right time. It was soothing to my soul to take care of something while the Lord took care of me!

The joy I had nursing a frog back to health must be similar to how God felt… when I first came to know Him I was battered and bruised, wounded by this world, and ugly from sin and depravity. Jesus came on the scene and into my heart, and He proceeded to feed me His Word and clothe me in His Grace. I drank deeply from His lovingkindness, and began to live for the first time!

It really got me thinking… the sadness of losing Freddy is so small in comparison to what it must feel like to lose a child. God knows exactly how I feel… and in light of the VA Tech shooting, I realized that God is feeling this loss as more and more people die without accepting Him. Oh the pain and agony that God must feel… to have people reject Him and then die stubborn and hard hearted… never knowing Him. Not willing to ram Himself down our throats, He respects their choice and does the only thing left to do… casts them into the abyss… a one way ticket to Hell… the place we all have disserved at one point in our lives! It is probably heartbreaking for God to do this…

This makes me desperate for seeing people turn their hearts and lives over to Christ! It is what has been inspiring me to continue on this journey into full time ministry with GCM at The Rock. Today this desperation took on a whole new level with my heart! This weekend The Rock will be out in the midst of VEISHEA in full force interacting with college students and presenting a relationship opportunity with Christ to them! Yes, there are many Christians who are not on board with “cold-turkey” style gospel sharing, but God has used such methods to reach the hearts of young people for years, and I know He’ll bless us this weekend!

Who Knew?

2007-03-19T18:56:00.000-06:00

Who knew that while support raising, I would be exposed to new musical artists? There I was, meeting with an old high school teacher of mine back in Sioux City. We were sitting in their den, and all of a sudden he was like, “You gotta listen to my new favorite musical artist!” I looked at his wife, who just laughs, and he immediately goes to his computer and brings this guy up on YouTube.

First thing that crosses my mind was, "Impressive! He knows about YouTube!" Then, of course, I was skeptical about this "new favorite musical artist". After just a few moments, I had to agree that this guy is actually pretty good! Praise God for breaking the ice in fun ways! We had a lovely conversation afterwards! So, in light of this, I’d like to suggest that everyone check out Andy McKee!

A Challenging Time

2007-02-13T12:47:00.000-06:00

February is historically a cruel month for many people. Thankfully, it is the shortest month of the year! For many, it is the combination of the cold weather right before spring and the "romantic" holiday in the middle of the month that makes February seem down right hard!

For me, it has been a very challening time. I started a new job recently. In fact, I went to training for it just a few weeks ago. I was down in Orlando, Florida for 9 days, learning about all the responsibilities, hardships, and eternal rewards of doing full-time ministry. I have to say that it was the most challenging time of my life. We were pushed out of our comfort zones physically, spiritually, and emotionally! We started our day at 7am and went until 10pm each day. We learned about Great Commission Ministries (the organization that employs us), the do's and don'ts of the job, and how to raise a missionary team (a team of supporters who do some combination of 4 things: volunteer, pray, refer names of other, and/or financially support our personal ministry).

I found out a lot about GCM. It focuses on planting culturally relevant churches aimed at young adults, both nationally and internationally. Given that and the fact that college students can't afford to pay for the ministry of GCM (they can barely afford college), GCM relies primarily upon the financial gifts of others to make their ministry happen. Now that training is over, I am officially a full-time missionary with GCM. My "missionary field" will be Iowa State, but before I am released to do ministry there, I must raise a missionary team to cover the costs of salary and ministry expenses.

So now I am into my third week of the first stage of employment called Ministry Team Development (MTD). While at training, I created and memorized a presentation that explains how I came to know Christ, why I feel led into full-time ministry, the need at Iowa State for full-time ministers, all about GCM and what I will be doing through GCM to meet this need, why GCM needs a spiritual team to support its ministries, and the 4 ways to be a part of this team, which I explained earlier. At the end, I ask the people I am presenting to if they would like to support GCM and my ministry in one of those four ways. That is my part of the MTD process. All of the responsibility is then put on God to call people to give, and then it is on the people to respond to this call.

The whole process has been refining in a lot of ways. I have been humbled more times than I can count. For example, I have people sacrificing food for their families to support me... which I can't even express in words how that feels! But this kind of sacrifice is not meant for everyone, and is quite rare. As such, I realized right away that I was completely inadequate to do this on my own. I am so thankful that God has a team of supporters already selected... now I just have to find them! I never realized how much I fear certain people... I'm almost too afraid to call them! It has forced me to reflect deeply upon my heart. I constantly have to remind myself that this isn't about me, or people supporting/rejecting me, or even about what I can do for God once the whole process is over. This is about growing closer to God, relying on Him, and trusting that He is in control.

The whole process takes a long time, obviously, and I have a long way to go. Right now, I haven't enough supporters to get paid, so I am working a few days a week at Stomping Grounds as well, just to be able to pay rent. Two weeks ago, I worked 70 hours between the two jobs (I am required to put in 40 hours with GCM to get benefits like health insurance). Last week I worked over 55 hours. February has been a slow month for both jobs, so I've definitely been crying out to God for strength. He's definitely provided abundently, and I seem to come out ahead in all my endeavors and with my bills. I'm not sure just how God does it, but I always seem to have just what I need! What a great Provider, huh?

I am also very thankful to have a few friends going through this same process. They are basically my big brothers, and I am so encouraged and challenged by them! Thanks for listening everyone! I love telling people all that God is doing in my life! Your prayers would definitely be appreciated! I'll pray for your February to be bright! Hang in there my friends, God has something GREAT planned for you too!